Sunday, February 21, 2010

Sweet Sadness

Talking about Noelle's birth mom is nothing new for us. We pray for her nearly every night. I've told and retold the story of all that we know and guessed at what we don't.

Questions remain.

What did she look like? Why did she leave me? Will I ever see her again?

Wishing I had the answers I hug and pray and say,
"She must have been beautiful because you are."
"She must miss you every day, I would."
"We may never know who she is and it's okay to feel sad."

A few nights ago watching pairs figure skating. Noelle runs to me, jumps in my lap, hiding her sad face on my shoulder.

"Mommy, does my birth mom look like her? I miss her, I'm sad."

Tears flow, both mine and hers. I'm sad but intensely grateful. This from the little girl who screamed and raged her feelings just a few short years ago. Now using words to express the pain. Now telling me without prompting, freely sharing her heart. To be her forever mom, to watch her grow up is the greatest privilege. I wish I could share this joy with the mom who gave her life.

6 comments:

Chelsea said...

oh, my tears are flowing too Jen. Thanks for sharing. What a great example you are of an intuitive adoptive mom! What a sweet, precious girl who feels so safe to bare her heart and let out all these difficult feelings. Our girls are such treasures with heavy jewels upon them at times. Praying.

Annie said...

Oh, Jen. YOU are the mama she was meant to have. Even though her other mama gave her body life, you have given her soul, heart and mind life! And the fact that you pray for her other mama is amazing and beautiful to me. You are the mama she needed and God knew that...

Your beautiful Mom-In-Law gave me this wonderful plaque for a wedding gift that hangs on my wall. It reads: "God heard me and heard my heart, and gave me a very special person in my life to love." That's you to Miss Noelle! I love you guys!!!

Everyday Becky said...

I'm always so amazed at the answers you know to give. I've been so blessed to have watched you love her and to watch her grow and heal. Love you both!

missy said...

isn't it amazing how we worry and fret over what we will say and the grace just always seems to be there when the time comes.

Keri said...

This made me tear up. Even I am comforted by your answers and your heart for Noelle and her birth Mom and the Lord!

Hilty Sprouts! said...

I realized that I never thanked any of you for your sweet and supportive comments. It is a challenge and a joy to parent this special girl of ours. I have learned so much and though some of the lessons have come the hard way I am so grateful for the experience and specifically for her. I shudder to think what I would have missed...

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