Beneath the Terebinth Tree

As our women's bible study group went through the story of Sarah in Genesis, I was struck by the words "Terebinth tree". It sounded like something mysterious and beautiful and I wondered if it had any significance to the story.

The Terebinth was an unusually tall oak-like tree that stood out in the landscape of Palestine, even used as landmarks for travelers. They are long-living and majestic in appearance, often used as a symbol of strength and durability. It was also a source of turpentine tapped from the trunk, for commercial and medicinal use.

Perhaps with all that Sarah had been through, all of the waiting, traveling and trials, the Terebinth near their campsite in Mamre was a comfort to her. Perhaps reminding her of God's strength and provision.

This is my imagining of that moment:

Beneath the Terebinth Tree

From dusty tent Sarai, head down,
walks slowly, seeking peace.
Touching bark reverently, gazing up
through branches broad, stretching heavenward.
Majestic, full of grace,
the tree is strong and steadfast as the Lord.

Thoughts roam back, find well-worn paths:
Even good men make foolish mistakes;
strength and youth of men fade away.
The tree endures, with powerful limbs protecting,
providing shelter.
What comfort to a woman travel weary, disillusioned.
Struggling, bitter against husband
whose dreams she follows,
endlessly.

Waiting for prophecy fulfilling
and aching to cease.
The tree is a soothing balm
for soul worn out, no tears
remaining.
Regretful of rash decision,
jealous of another quickly blessed.
Heart sick from hope deferred.

Dare she believe?
Empty womb, alive and bearing
longed for son.
Sarah laughs, embarrassed and afraid.
God has heard, remembered, is faithful.
He speaks:
“Is anything too hard for the Lord?”
Child of laughter arriving,
borne of promises and joy.

6/22/10

Attitude Adjustment

I've been a little bit grumpy about farming this year.

More than a little.

May I whine for a moment?

I haven't felt like: getting dirty or sweaty; dealing with watery, sneezy allergies; trudging back up the field to retrieve the 100th thing my kids need or that I forgot.

I have wanted to do exactly as I please... read, write, watch movies, download itunes, in short, enjoy MY summer in MY way!

Hmmmm, where in all of this did I forget that life is not all about me?

I have a great husband who is working very hard and needs my help with our huge farm. Didn't we dream together of country life and sustainable living?

I have two awesome kids who just want to be WITH me, talk to me, "help" me all the time. Isn't this what I yearned for during those long years of infertility?

Yes, I worked hard during the school year. Yes, it was stressful. Yes, I need a break.

But most of all I need a break from me. Jesus poured all of himself out for me. Can I not do even half so much for those dearest to me? I am encouraged to serve, to love, to give. I need not grasp and hang on to my time so tightly. He will give me more than I need.

What to do when you don't want to get out of bed--by Ann Voskamp

If you are feeling this way, like I have for the past week or so, go to the Holy Experience blog and read this post. She has a way of putting things into beautiful, meaningful perspective. It's truly a gift and it's what I needed today.

Spring "Break"

I'm trying desperately to think about green and growing things, life things, the precious gifts lovingly bestowed upon me. To be content and not despair of my ever expanding to do list...

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)

1000 Gifts--The Thankfulness Experiment

To see what else I'm thankful for start here. Want to be part of the Gratitude Community?

I am thankful for:

11. friends so comfortable they feel like family.

12. my books.

13. access to clean drinking water. So many people don't; see how you can help.

14. a bountiful garden.

15. my daughter's teacher.

16. God, who understands me completely and loves me still.

17. the sound of my daughter's "ticking" heart.

18. homemade playdough that keeps little hands busy.

19. the pure joy of running.

20. this song:

(remember to pause the playlist at the bottom of the page)

1000 Gifts--The Thankfulness Experiment

I am so excited to begin my own list of One Thousand Gifts along with the Gratitude Community at the Holy Experience blog!

So many times over the years I have whined and complained and completely taken for granted the beautiful gift that my life is. Never have I realized that more than during the last few weeks. Noelle's surgeries and recovery have produced in me an intense appreciation for God's love for me and the way he has blessed me with the people, places and things in my life.

I look forward to more joy in my life, simply because I am looking for it.

I thought it would be easiest to start with the first ten things that come to mind. I am thankful for...

1. hugs and kisses from sticky little hands and faces.

2. kindred spirits in the workplace.

3. friendship with my husband.

4. air conditioning.

5. celebrating 4 years of my son's life.

6. eager friends picking veggies and weeding our huge garden!

7. confident and capable surgeons.

8. good neighbors.

9. my laptop.

10. This song:

(Remember to pause the playlist at the bottom of this page)

The Best and the Worst

The WORST:

-hearing my own "worst case scenario" come to life -- my daughter needs a valve replacement NOW, not years down the road; that she was, in the doctor's words, a ticking time bomb over the past year.

-watching them take her away, feeling my empty hands.

-visualizing what a heart-lung bypass must look like on MY daughter.

-walking to meet the surgeon, hand in hand with my best friend, holding our breath, hoping beyond hope, also fearing the worst.

-sleepless nights and the inability to provide comfort to a sad and restless little girl.

-witnessing the open wound of grief.

-seeing babies hover between life and death.

-weariness.


The BEST:

-feeling hundreds of prayers lifting us up, bringing God's peace.

-hearing the best possible news, hugging my best friend, telling each other she's really okay.

-forging instant friendships in the strangest and most difficult of circumstances.

-reconnecting with old friends.

-knowing how much we are loved by our families.

-cuddles and snuggles and lots of I love yous from the two greatest kids on the planet.

-enjoying the rain washed air, lush greenery and delicious food of Seattle.

-celebrating the removal of each tube and wire.

-knowing that God is making me into a much more loving and much less selfish mommy.

Blog Discovery

If you need a little (or a lot) of peace, poetry and beauty then spend some time at the Holy Experience. I was temporarily transported to another place. One without beeping monitors, incisions, tubes or pain meds.

Ready to Go

I just finished packing for our trip to Seattle!

Please pray for Noelle on Monday morning. She will go into the cath lab to have the balloon dilation done at 11am.

I have felt so loved during the past few days by the many people who have been praying for us and thinking about us.

God is giving us peace and strength.

Keeping God's Word in my Heart

Proverbs 3:1-6
My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Sara, from Walk Slowly, Live Wildly, has issued an invitation to become part of the "James Challenge" a call to Jesus freaks everywhere to memorize scripture and mature in our faith! I have been considering the idea for a few days and have decided that it's time to dive in and make the commitment!

For several years (well, to be exact, the past 3 1/2 years since we have had children) I have neglected the essential task of hiding God's word in my heart. Okay, to be perfectly honest, I have been LAZY and most days I'm not even sure of the location of my bible and I certainly have not invested time in memorizing its contents!

I have read many books about the bible and christian life, but its just not quite the same is it? Only God's word is living food for my spirit, it speaks to me during the tough times and it draws other people to Him. I'm pretty sure I need to head to the source of life instead of reading about it all the time. It is sad how little I challenge myself to really remember the word when I have this huge store of useless knowledge of pop culture, song lyrics, movie quotes, etc. that I have memorized without effort!

So, anyone want to join me? Head over to Walk Slowly, Live Wildly and let her know that you are going to participate!

I just memorized three verses of James today (James 1:2-4). It was virtually painless and actually kind of fun! As I was saying the verse over and over to myself I started thinking about what it must have been like as a first century Christian to have heard such encouraging words for the first time. You know what's exciting is that these words apply just as much to me today as they did to Christian's back then.

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Knitting is Therapy

Knitting is effective and very cheap therapy!

It is hard to describe how much knitting has helped me navigate the murky midwinter blues this year. Even Joel has noticed a difference. He told me the other night how mellow and relaxed I have been since I started knitting. I tend toward anxiety and thinking about the "worst case scenario" and anything that can lift my mind out of that funk is very, very good!

I have felt such tremendous satisfaction from making something useful with my own two hands. My daughter thinks my creations are "fabulous" and she is in awe of my knitting. I have also experienced the joy of making things that I can give away to others. It feels so good to not have to go out and buy a present but make something instead.

Knitting also provides good praying/thinking/meditation time. Lately I have been mulling over a lot of "new to me" ideas about what it means to follow Jesus. I have been reading "The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical" which has given me much food for thought.



It deserves a separate blog post, I can't do it justice here. I will say that if you read this book you will be challenged to love and connect with other human beings like never before.

Anyway, friends, knitting ROCKS! Try it, you’ll like it!

Jen

Encouragement for a Friend

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Isaiah 43 : 2

This is for a sweet friend at work who is "passing through the fire" right now. Would you pray for her? Thanks!

Amazing Story

Check out this video of an incredible, inspiring woman who was born alive during a saline abortion. It is long but well worth hearing.

Pep Talk

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

I subscribe to a daily devotional online from Proverbs 31 Ministries. Today's message greatly encouraged me and I thought I would pass it along. To read the entire devotion click here.

"When we take our eyes off our fears, our doubts, our struggles and focus on someone else's needs, we somehow forget our own, for a little while. In believing the power of God’s promises for others, our confidence in His promises for us seems to grow as well. And that my friend is the power of encouraging words! "

"Lord, Thank you for the power of Your Words that give me courage to become who You’ve created me to be – to go to places You’re calling me to go and climb spiritual heights that are out of my reach without Your help. Give me Your encouragement today, and help me encourage someone, too. In Jesus Name, Amen" -By Renee Swope-

An Ordinary Life

"We do not need the grace of God to withstand crises—human nature and pride are sufficient for us to face the stress and strain magnificently. But it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed, and ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus. It is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God—but we do not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people—" (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest).

I came across this quote on Walk Slowly Live Wildly tonight and it really spoke to me. Many times I internally bemoan the fact that God made me so terribly ordinary. Why wasn't I given a special talent of some kind? Why do I feel so invisible most of the time? What a blessed reminder that God does not need me to be an Uber-saint. He just wants me to live the life that he has so lovingly bestowed upon me. To show others the extraordinary God I serve and not get in the way.

Life Half-Lived

A few months ago I read a post by Big Mama about letting go of the fear in her life and truly giving it to God. I wrote this poem in response:

The Fear of Letting Go

The fear of letting go grips my heart.

I long to run, I yearn to fly, I need to create.

My heart turns cold.

I fear being nothing.

I fear losing everything.

I don't want to waste my life.

I'm tired of trying to please everyone.

I'm tired of falling short.

I'm falling apart at the seams.

I long to feel the warmth of the sun.

To stand on a hill with the wind in my face.

Holding nothing back.

I am released from this half-life of fear.

I will let myself be shattered.

Free me and make me whole again.

3/1/08

I am generally a very private person but in my quest to become more of the person God made me to be, I have chosen to process my thoughts and feelings out loud. Perhaps to give myself some sort of accountability or just to be more open and known to others? Maybe some of these ramblings will help someone else? Maybe this is some form of therapy for me? Whatever it is, bear with me!

I have been told before that I am too serious and that I think about things too much but as I expressed in my poem, I'm so tired of trying to please others and not be myself. I don't want to worry about being too much for some and not being enough for others. I am who I am and it's time for me to accept this and stop hiding the real me. I grew up hiding my true thoughts and feelings and I have found that the habit has stuck. It's time for me to realize that God loves me and accepts me "just as I am" as the old hymn goes. That is enough for me. I don't have to hide anymore.

The song Unbreakable by Fireflight perfectly expresses what I am trying to say, "God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been. I want to go there, this time I'm not scared!".

Jen

Loving This Song

Give Me Your Eyes-- Brandon Heath

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OihvG607W-c

New Reads

I've made some great new discoveries in the blogosphere this weekend!

My favorite is 4 Reluctant Entertainers, a blog written to help those who break into a cold sweat at the mere thought of having people over for dinner, a.k.a., ME. My entertaining fears do not discriminate either, I'll have you know! It doesn't matter if I have known you for 10 years or 10 minutes, I FEAR entertaining! I fear cooking lousy food, I fear you finding the 1/2" layer of dust on the one piece of furniture I forgot to wipe down, I fear that you will find me BORING and that I will not be able to think of anything to say to you! It's ugly but true and I hate being this way! Cause guess what? When I'm so busy being afraid of opening my home, my life, and myself to others I leave no room in my heart to love others and make an impact on their lives. Then I sit here and wonder why I do not have intimate, lasting relationships with friends or family? Why am I so lonely? Hmmm...could it be...me??? Gasp! Surely not!

The Reluctant Entertainers blog is one the many ways that God has recently been speaking to me about being open to new relationships and looking for ways to bless others instead of keeping my heart locked up in this dungeon of fear. He has also been teaching me that when I am feeling lonely and when I feel like no one "gets me" that I should turn to Him instead of wallowing in self pity. He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother. He is the one who made me and therefore knows me intimately. He IS love when I need love. I have found immense comfort in this revelation. It's kinda like Sally Field's acceptance speech at the Oscars years ago, "You like me! You really, really like me!".

Anyway.... back to the ranch.

Here are some other great blogs and websites that I have been enjoying:

Stop the Ride--"Living a simple and frugal life in a world that isn't".

Growing Power-- This guy is my new hero! He has this incredible farm in the middle of Milwaukee on a 2 acre lot. His mission is "supporting people from diverse backgrounds, and the environments in which they live, by helping to provide equal access to healthy, high-quality, safe and affordable food for people in all communities".

Enjoy!

Jen

Spiritual Gifts Inventory

Here I go again trying to figure myself out. It seems to be one of my favorite pastimes! I stumbled across an interesting spiritual gifts survey that really nailed it for me. A few months ago I took a similar survey on another site and ended up feeling useless and discouraged. It made me feel that if I wasn't a "teacher" or "evangelist" type of person then I didn't amount to much in the church body. I feel that way often enough on my own, I didn't need someone else telling me that too! I often struggle with feeling connected in the church, knowing where I fit, knowing what in the heck am I good for anyway? I'm sure this is partially due to self-esteem issues from my past but I think it is also due to not having an obviously useful gift. Everyone recognizes those who have great pearls of wisdom to bestow on all they meet or those who are super-organized and practical, and those with a passion to teach and share the gospel. I am not a great giver of advice, I fear public speaking and confrontation, I don't teach well, and I worry too much about offending others and what people think of me.
Instead of causing me to beat myself up further about all the things I am not good at, this survey actually caused me to recognize and value the characteristics I do have. No small feat, I assure you...
I particularly like the parts that explain what pitfalls to watch out for and the practical ways in which I could use my gift.

The results:

The results of your Spiritual Gifts Inventory indicate that your number one dominant gift is MERCY SHOWING! The Greek word "ellco" means to feel sympathy with or for others. As a mercy-shower you have the Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by identifying with and comforting those who are in distress. You understand and comfort your fellow Christian. You enter into the grief or happiness of others and have the ability to show empathy which is to feel WITH others, not just for others.
As a mercy-shower you are willing to deal with and minister to people who have needs that most people feel very uncomfortable working with. You seem to say the right thing at the right time. Your personality is likely one of soft-spoken love. It hurts you to scold someone; you are very non-condemning. People love you because of all the love you give them. You find it easy to express yourself and are outgoing with a low-key, inoffensive personality. You are easy to talk to, responsive to people, a good listener, peaceable, and agreeable. You tend to make decisions based on feelings more than fact and like to think about things for a while before making a decision.
In your burden to comfort others, your heart goes out to the poor, the aged, the ill, the underprivileged, and so on. You tend to attract people who are hurting or rejoicing because you identify with them. Be careful not to let others use you. Try not to resent others who are not as understanding as you. Refrain from becoming a gossiper when you are around other mercy-showers. Do not let your circumstances control you. Because of your supernatural ability to show mercy, others accuse you of taking up for people, being a softy and a compromiser. They may think you are too emotional.
Mercy-showers make excellent counselors. However, left untrained, you may destroy yourself by your tendency to take people's problems home with you. Your empathy can become detrimental without personal training on how to deal with it.
Beware of Satan's attack on your gift. He can cause pride because of your ability to relate to others. He may influence you to disregard rules and authority. You may experience a lack of discipline because of strong feeling for those who hurt due to disobedience and sin. Don't fall into Satan's trap of complaining and griping.

HOW CAN YOU USE YOUR GIFT? Your gift is used best in times of sorrow and in times of great joy. It fits well with another gift of service such as deacon, youth worker or hospital visitation. With a counseling course, you could become a good counselor. You may serve as a hospital, nursing home, or shut-in worker; a funeral coordinator and provider of sympathy and support; or a poverty center worker. You would do well as an usher or greeter and welcome center worker or hospitality person. You may want to work in a telephone ministry. You would make people feel welcome on a newcomer visitation team. Other appropriate ministry areas include missions, committee member, furlough assistance, and correspondence helper. You would work well with the elderly and with people who have mental and physical disabilities, in nursing, and with special ministries to migrants, released offenders or abused children and women.

Beijing Closing Ceremonies

I have been enjoying the beautiful and precise choreography and artistry of the Beijing closing ceremonies. The colors, lighting, and music... the sheer number of people moving perfectly of one accord. And oh, those incredible fireworks. I have never seen anything like it. But through it all I had one nagging thought... Does it seem that the entire ceremony was a humanistic worship service? Glorification of the human will in the absence of God? I don't know maybe it was the song to Beijing that sounded like a worship chorus or the Babelesque (just made up a word there) living tower at center stage? I was left feeling awed by the spectacle but saddened at the same time. God has given us beauty, intelligence, talent, and creative ability. I guess I just want Him to have the credit.

Just a thought.

Jen